In a Year...
10 Things I Learned (and had to remind myself of) in 2024.
Well, friends, the end is here.
Where did the last 52 weeks, 12 months, and 365 days go? I’m sure I wasted roughly 50 days binge-watching crap TV (no regrets), commuted over a million (plus) miles on the train/bus, and drank way more Coca-Cola than I care to admit.
I would typically share my goals and aspirations for the year ahead through a cute Bingo Card or colorful graphic, but my brain is still processing “unexplained” drones, election results, and impending menopause. Honestly, there are only a few things I’m yearning to achieve or obtain in 2025. More than anything, I want the magic of the universe to surprise me. (Also, hoping for a lottery win!) So, instead of goal-setting, I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve learned this year. Here are a few things I came up with…
Some people don’t understand that vulnerability isn’t about self-victimization but the willingness to bare and heal without shame. Vulnerability leads with its heart, hoping to spread and encourage conversation and change. Self-victimization is about feeding the ego, looking for sympathy, or a way to manipulate situations to benefit oneself. I’ve learned some people will never understand the difference and that’s okay.
I’m too uppity about some things, like, trending TV shows and movies, which is ridiculous because it’s only me who misses out. Now, I’m obsessed with The Office (US) way too late to participate in finale watch parties and purchase dope-ass merch.
I’ve lost count of how many times I've seen my doctor or been inside an ER this year. I can't remember how many blood tests, ultrasounds, or X-rays I've had, how many prescriptions I've been given, or how many times I've ugly-cried in medical frustration. It took almost an entire year to get answers and I’m looking forward to surgery in 2025. Through everything, I have come to understand (more than ever) that the body always knows. Even if it takes multiple, nauseating conversations with your doctor or specialist, you can't give up if something doesn’t feel right.
This has also led me to accept the hard truth that I’m living and managing my life with a chronic illness. My utter exhaustion and poor health are not because I’m a hypochondriac or lazy, but because I’m doing my best to maintain whatever I believed my normal was. Which wasn’t normal in the first place. In 2025, I hope to find a bit more balance and care.
I am so over the type of toxic positivity that tells you that to find peace you must forgive those who have wronged you, or forget "it" and move on. I don't have it in me (anymore) to be passive-aggressive with my own feelings, and this year I learned - or reminded myself, really - that it's okay to feel what you feel. You don't need to be ashamed or accommodating of others to “keep the peace.” That type of behavior heals no one or anything in the end. And I would rather find my way to letting go (or not) in my own damn time.
Keeping in touch is never easy, especially when multiple time zones exist between you and your loved ones. This year, I’ve held a lot of guilt over the fact that I can’t seem to keep up with everyone but honestly, it’s the best I can do right now. And I know those that really love me, won’t hold it against me.
This year, I came to the disappointing realization that the project I had been working on since 2021 hit a dead end. I was gutted when I finally accepted that my memoir wasn’t so much a collection of essays, but rather, the beginning of my Substack newsletter. What I’ve learned from this is that (with creative projects) you must remain open and flexible. Often these endeavors evolve into something completely different than what we initially intended, yet they’re beautiful just the same.
No matter how much I’ve tried, I accept the fact that I’ll never learn the Scottish accent, despite being good at other accents and living here for over 2 years now. I just sound like Elmer Fudd with a mouth full of pudding when I try.
Something really strange happened this year... after decades of enjoying my usual go-to playlist, I realized my favorite songs were no longer bringing me enjoyment. Some of them actually annoyed me. (Why did I listen to so much depressing shit in my early twenties?!) I feel like I’m letting go of the nostalgia (or memories) associated with these songs. I’m evolving and changing in unexpected ways. Who’d a thunk?
I’ve learned that I really hate small talk and no longer have it in me to pretend I do. Also, I’ve learned that it’s becoming a bit harder for me to shut my mouth at times. (eek)
When you’re young, it’s assumed that love must be a display of intense and passionate declarations. As if the perfect relationship must mimic a rollercoaster of major ups and the most devastating lows. Love must be thrilling, tested, and proved over and over again. But those experiences, however fun they may be, are underdeveloped. The reality is that love is (actually) much more boring than that.
This isn't to say “boring” relationships are not wonderful, but nothing trumps security, respect, and joy, especially when you’re blissfully in love. And whoever said love should be your peace and not your battlefield was right. Nothing beats a healthy love. Nothing.
I’m sure there are more things I have learned or reminded myself of this year, but for now…
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